Lately

"You look tired" That's one of the first things people tell me when they see me. I feel insulted actually. Do I really look that bored/sleepy/no energy every time? I'm not actually tired, just that maybe my eyes are not open that big and I sort of give them this feeling that I'm tired. But actually when I think of it, it's to a certain extent quite true. Not the part about me being sleepy, rather the fact that maybe just maybe there's this spark in me that's lacking and that's why I don't really seem to be who I am. When I think about it, it's like there really is some truth to it, we rarely talk, not like how we use to, and it feels like you are slipping through my fingers. Apparently though, my fingers are frozen cold and I don't know how to unlock them. Deep down inside I know my eyes don't sparkle anymore, especially when you are not around. The last time it did was when I was talking about you and I remembered all the things that we'd do and just these happy moments reignited that sparkle but to no avail, it dimmed down again. When will it shine? Feels so sad to think that this only lasted for so long. I was really expecting much longer than that. Sometimes it feels as though you have forgotten about me, and that as you have found someone else, I am no longer you're muse, or maybe not that strong, rather someone there to help you get through even the slightest of slightest complications. That's me now, and always will be. I know it hurts me so much to feel under appreciated, but I know I will never change, I will continue being that someone you can count on in any way. Sometimes it feels as if I was doing too many things for you. And though I know it, I know you don't know it. In fact you feel all this actions are but the ordinary actions of someone as good as me. Feels like self praising now, doesn't it? But in truth, it isn't. I do so many things without any in return, all I want is some sign of appreciation, that you care and actually bother to understand how it feels to be me. But somehow I feel like you don't care about me anymore, it's just not the same way that you use to care for me. What happened along the way? Was it because you forgot how it felt like to be touched (not physically, but more emotionally) by me that is why you seem to find comfort in another? How can it be this way? Feels as if moments ago you and I were so close we understood each other and it just felt so, so, comfortable. Yes, that's it. Comfortable. I was who I am, and not someone else which felt good, because it meant that I wasn't faking it. So then comes the question, when will I be able to feel that way again? To feel motivated, happy and cheerful. I don't need it all the time, it was like just a slight rewinding and I was a happy doll again, moving to the rhythm of life filled with happy emotions that I know in some ways I have inspired many others as well. Or maybe things we're meant to be this way. It was way of saying, I got it all wrong and it is time for me to know that wishful thinking is not going to work in this case.